In Defense of Gray Hair

In defense of gray hair. I’m entering that “magical” phase of my life where I am starting to get a lot of gray hair. I’m in my mid-30s. I’m a mother. I’m a hard worker. I’ve traveled across the world. And I just finished another degree. So far, I have lived a pretty full life and have worked very hard for decades now. The gray, or actually white, hair doesn’t bother me that much. It’s just what happens.

What does bother me is how other people perceive those with gray hair who choose not to dye their hair. “She looks much older than she is.” “She didn’t age that well.” These are statements that I have heard about women who have gray hair.  I can’t help but wonder if the gray-haired ladies had dyed their hair, if they would have gotten the same reception?

How many women dye their hair?

Recently, I looked around at those I know and realized that only a few of the people are also exhibiting some gray hairs. Only a few. That’s when it dawned on me that most of my peers dye their hair. According to Clairol, in America, 75% of women dye their hair. These women have delved into a ritual that will cost them a lot of money and last for decades to come. And this ritual does not offer a permanent solution. But why? Why is having gray hair an embarrassment? Why can’t females just age with dignity?

Who to blame?

I can’t tell where the blame falls. I often like to blame Hollywood and the impossible ideals that they embody of what a woman is and should be that they churn out year after year. Most of the roles in Hollywood are cast to very young actresses who would not have had the time to get the education required for the roles that they play. And honestly, would so many young women get together with men who are that much older than them?

Because most people dye their hair, I feel a societal pressure that I should do the same.  When I get my haircut and they kindly let me know that they can also cover up my grays, if I was interested. It makes me self-conscious. When I hang out with friends and I’m the only one with gray hair obnoxiously popping out of my hairdo. It makes me self-conscious.

There was an Onion article that touched on this very idea. Females want to seem “fertile” well past their child bearing years.

Exceptions to the rule…

There are exceptions, of course.  Emmylou Harris, Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Mirren are just a few of the more famous ones. In addition to the handful of women that I know personally, these famous ladies are some of the women who I look to when I’m feeling self-conscious.  But there really aren’t too many of them out there.

There is a lack of respect in America for older folks in general. We are okay with them in small doses, laugh at their old fashioned ways, and lock them up in care facilities until they pass. Getting to a ripe old age should be a respected thing. I pushed out a child. I have earned each and every one of those gray hairs.

So this is my defense of gray hair. All I can say is thank goodness for my husband. He wants me to have long white hair when I’m older, and I plan on having just that. I am just a single ambassador, but I will try to make gray hair beautiful again.